Notes from the day a little girl was told to Grow Up, for that she did. Constitution one, first hour in office, The mind is numb.
“It was such a foreign experience to me that my first question was quite literally ‘how do I use the mouse’. After so long of resisting the reality of adulting, here I sat, in the very seat I once promised myself I would never. dare. sit.”
Office
03 . 10 . 22
As I took to my desk, I could feel sweat beads gathering across my body. Mainly from the frantic rush to make it through the door before 8am, after an hour too long rolling around in bed resisting the day I had ahead… Yet also to my dismay from the anxiety and nerves I unsuccessfully attempted to shrink. Luckily, I managed to collect myself after the first hour and find comfort in staying as silent as a mouse, hoping it would lead to their lack of context for personal judgement. Yet to conclude if that was a success, as it was such a foreign experience to me that my first question was quite literally “how do I use the mouse”…
Powering through my introduction tasks, painfully navigating my way through the company apps like a fish out of water, I was left with a spare hour before the day came to rest. Multitasking my acting skills of being interested in office chat, I pondered on why this unknown ache weighed down my vocabulary… In the realisation that after so long of resisting adulting, here I sat, in the very seat I once promised myself I would never. dare. sit. That the ache so numbing making me loose my words, was due to the sheer realisation that on this day I had broken my childhood promise, on this day I had accepted and entered the corporate hierarchy, the 9-5 doom, the reality my parents forever told me I would never escape.
To be continued.
The Next Chapter
17 . 11 . 22
Momentarily filled with fear, like air in a balloon waiting to pop… Here I stand amidst one of my greatest lessons of all.
I CAN DO IT ALONE!
We read this, we see it, we tell ourselves it’s compute, yet here we all sit petrified to take that little leap of faith. Why?
Fear.
The next chapter.
Being bold enough to take that step into the atmosphere you’ve always desired, juicing out a ridiculously amount of courage. More often than not it’s the path they all told you not to take, the route with a broken bridge, the idea that you never thought would become a reality. Yet these turning points are more often than not the light at the end of the tunnel, the loophole into the realm your younger self dreamt upon.
You don’t need anyone alongside you holding your hand, you’re already there, you can do it, alone!
“ You don’t need anyone to take that step. You’re already there, you can do it, alone! “
VULNERABILITY IS POWER
VULNERABILITY IS POWER
VULNERABILITY IS POWER VULNERABILITY IS POWER
Speak clearly, be direct, tell them who you are, tell them where you came from.
People want to know.
Your capability to be vulnerable,
is the only root to genuine human connection. Try it.
I will sit here with my mind, wishing upon what could’ve been, I ask my new age self, why so serious? A transit into my inner child there I will find the answer amongst all this chaos. I had it all along…
NEVER GROW UP.
Play Time
12 . 22
They say when you grow up, reality hits and your vision will never be the same. I use to listen to this and refuse the outcome, as the ridiculously stubborn Tess I am, this never came to be an issue. I won. Adulting was simply a passing thought that not once weighed on my shoulders.
It has taken me twenty five years of existing to finally wrap my head around what they were all harping on about. You see, it’s not reality, nor is it expectation, money, relationships…. LOVE! Non of they above are applicable.
IT’S MINDSET.
In this day and age it takes every last drop of willpower to stay young. Social media shoving pills of perfectionism down our throats, forever changing government tax rates, the recession…. the list is engulfing. Yet why do I stand here as a lonesome soldier amidst the oncoming world war 3 attempting to claim that ‘playing’ is SO important? “Bitch you craaaazyyyyyyy”, yea yea I GET IT. Hold the phone this is just getting good!
YOUR CHILDLIKE NATURE IS THE ONLY ROOT TO EXPLORATION!!!!
HIM.
Ever. So. Slight.
