Chaos and Order — Marcia&i

As much as you all find me pulling out various parts of my insides and laying them on the table for inspection, to your surprise, maybe… I am actually pretty fucking fun.

I know I know, it sounds like I’m trying to convince you, but I don’t need to. Here’s why:

It’s incredibly easy to look ahead, see the scope in which we desire to become and think “holy fucking shit, I’m so far away, what have I been doing this whole time and why am I not closer?!”

It’s also incredibly easy to look back and think “what the actual fuck was I thinking… that’s so embarrassing, I’m not even sure if that’s still me?!”

These are all too familiar reflections, right?

Yea, it’s human to battle against these complexes within ourself, especially considering our journeys are they opposite of linear. We have no real roadmap, a rather unreliable compass called our heart and no rulebook. Which means we’re forever shooting our arrows into the dark. So why are we so fucking hard on ourselves all the time?

I know it’s not just me either… This is a universal experience. We’re all out here wondering wtf god was up to putting us here, and if we are even remotely close to the purpose we’re constantly chasing.

But it changes, doesn’t it?

Because, well, we change… So how in gods name can we expect it to be a one line answer? It’s impossible.

I have ‘chaos and order’ tattooed on my feet, and for a bloody good reason. One foot in chaos, they other in order.The equilibrium of life. And this is the very thing that constantly reminds me that the harmony is found in the middle ground. If I swing too far toward order, I become a society led robot, chasing what I’m told to like a good little girl. I become drained, my muse dulls and depression naturally strikes off the back of boredom. Yet if I lean too far into chaos, my life becomes a constant whirlwind as I attempt to live in the high, never coming down and naturally… falling into escapism, resisting growth and eventually losing myself completely.

We need order to implement and action - We need chaos to inspire and create. Both work perfectly in harmony, but too much of one sets life completely off kilter.

Does this make sense?

So, what does ‘fun’ have to do with this?

Well, my life has recently tipped a little onto the serious side, as I step closer toward the more significant layers of my foundation. In many moments, I’ve felt myself holding back, muting my personality and actually forgetting the very nature of my being. And fuck man, it’s too easy to forget when we’re on the grind.

Financial leaps need intentional moves - Intentional moves need discipline - Discipline needs recipes

None of that happens overnight either, it’s dedicated energy that I pour into my success each and everyday. It takes conscious moves and demands full input from me. Often, I find myself in this state and pulling away from the fun. Yet this is the balance…a little of this, a little of that. As I look at how far I have to go I only push myself harder, to be more discipline, ignore the distractions and hustle harder. Yet it’s often ineffective.

I need the fun, I need that balance, otherwise I lose sight of why I’m working so goddamn hard in the first place.

And why do I do it?

People.

Yep, pretty much! My driving force has always been my community. Near or far, those people who have added to the layers that make up the woman I am today. And every time I lower my head into my palms, I’m reminded of their faces, their journeys and the every wings they’ve gifted mine. And I keep going… I keep moving the fucking needle. But without those memories, without the fun injected into those unions, the laughter that follows and the bonds that are built off the back of these significant experiences… I find myself lost.

I need the fun and the chaos, as much as I need the discipline and the order.

So once again, I’m sitting here writing as I was reminded of the fun I’ve had, the reasons to keep going and the fun to come. I’m reminded of all the stories I’ve built and all the stories on the horizon. I’m reminded yet again, that I’m exactly where I need to be…

I do not need to be ashamed of my mistakes, nor my lessons. I do not need to hide the growth in which I’ve prevailed. I do not need to stop one thing and start another nor do I need to stress and try speed up. Because I’ve done exactly as I was meant to, and I will continue to do exactly as I desire to.

And well, that’s it really!

You’re right where you need to be. Look back and admire the fun, the laughter, the hard times and the significant ones. Look ahead knowing more is to come, so much more… it’s up to you to keep building the reality in which you desire, the way you have with every little detail of your past.

And guess what? I need more fun right now, so that’s what I’m going to do. Tickets booked to Aus have just been purchased, once again, I need a blowout hahahah