Shortcomings.

I’ve always believed in true love. I’ve always wanted true love. I’ve felt it and said goodbye to it. It’s been fleeting whilst somehow still carving a gravestone on my heart. It remains forever within me, always saying hello when I need it the most. 

And that’s it, right there. A love I so desperately crave, a love I so desperately want to believe is real and true, it can only come from within me. I cannot plead it off others, showing my weakness. I cannot expose these vulnerabilities, I have to be strong and fulfilled without needing anyone.

Contradictory, as I desire love that allows me to fail. I desire love that floats around the room all day, for years upon years like the smell of berry crumble consistently cooking in the oven. I crave a love so deep that it combats all logic as emotion and desire, lust and need completely take over. I desire a love that holds space to be still, as chaos breaks out like a parade in the streets yet there we stand, within the chaos, just us, completely still, hand in hand.

I believe in true love. I believe in a love that can withstand all that is thrown at it. 

I want someone to look at me and melt. Like an ice cream on a hot day as my beauty drips down the cone and onto their hands. 

I want someone to be inspired by the woman I am, the woman I’m becoming and the woman I desire to be, yet may never succeed. Because the woman trying is the one they admire the most.

I want someone who wraps me up so tight that even in the moments I feel like escaping, when life get’s tough and I want to runaway, that grasp is so tight that it holds me still, as all the emotion powers through my body and releases into the air. 

I want someone who desires to share the world with me. Learn together, challenge together, expand together. 

I want someone who loves me so much that time and space stop when we’re together. A love so strong that we need it in our veins like blood. 

I want to be your muse, your morning coffee and your compass through the dark. As you are for me, together holding light.

But it does not exist.