Moving the needle.

I’ve been sounding a little witchy recently, so much ‘woo-woo’ nonsense that most (generalisation) do not tend to cling to or connect with. Fair enough, as I’d also consider myself very far from the hippie kind. I do believe in a larger divine, aiding us through pivotal internal battles and allowing us to challenge the expansion of our inner sphere, although I do rely heavily on science backed research for majority of my theories.

Back to the point Tessa - I’ve been moving through some colossal internal shifts, that have all been poked and prodded by energetically aligned catalysts. Some of those catalysts have been people, others have been decisions and so fourth. This has altered my writing to become more transcendent than my usual go to psychological entanglement.

Recently, I have finally managed to move the fucking needle.

This shift has been big, present and a constant happening. I’m right in it’s core and it’s gravity speaks volume. I feel it so profoundly. Real, raw and alive!

It’s been scary (as mentioned in my last few posts), screaming at me so loud the echo’s have bounced off the walls and ceiling just to be sure I got the message. Received, loud and clear…

I hadn’t realised the complexity of this shift, I also hadn’t realised I’d been caught up in it the last 3 months. Makes a ton of sense why I’d been feeling so energetically weighed down these last few months, blaming my chronic fatigue but actually… The works being done right before my eyes. I’d been sitting here thinking how useless I’d been as of late, when in real fact I’d been moving the fucking needle! (How many times can I say that sentence...)

Damn.

All the answers are not yet in front of me, but the most critical ones are and the rest will come. As each day and week passes, I move closer to exactly where I’m supposed to be. Understanding the full weight of this frustration I’d been carrying, unfolding the layers of my past that had been hindering my future.

Everything falling back into place, a new place, but still finding it’s home amongst my puzzle. And fuck am I grateful. The magic of trust, intuition, actively clearing the load and making space for new opportunities to arise. It’s been such a monumental journey for me to reach this point. A place where new opportunities, people and horizons can now exist. I’ve put in the fucking work, big time, to create space for these opportunities to now land and goddamn am I ready for them.

So, I find myself unapologetic for all the witchy woo-woo talk. I lack experience in conceptualising spiritual realms and have needed this healthy challenge of attempting to express the otherworldly shifts I’ve been experiencing. Most of which can not be research backed, it’s simply a feeling, a knowing, a pull. Instinct fit’s the mould. In my last research attempt I did find this beautiful piece of writing by Amanda Doyle, it depicts my current feelings very accurately.

‘Instinct is not a woo-woo supernatural thing. It’s real, for everyone. Intuition is the ability to process information you are not even conscious of, to know something without analytical reasoning. Science shows us that intuition operates through the entire right side of the brain and through our gut - that’s why it’s called gut instinct. So whether you acknowledge it or not, intuition is being processed inside your body. In our most desperate moments, when we literally have nothing else to turn to, our intuition is there. And we can practice finding it.

For me, inner knowing feels like joy and freedom and anything that makes me feel alive. It shows up for about thirty seconds. It’s never sustained, and it’s not a static place of arrival. It’s a flash of seeing another way for myself. It is how we know that something is for us, how we know that something is of our knowing and our choosing. We can practice learning what our intuition is by running toward anything that feels like a few seconds of being alive - Anything that feels like freedom to me is what I can trust.’

Some things we cannot understand in the moment, but as life unfolds, the true colours begin to blossom. Trust yourself and move that goddamn needle. The life you desire is sitting on the other side of your fear.