Writers Block.
Amongst the million and one thoughts I’ve had over the last month, I’m now finding myself verbally paralysed.
It’s really fucking me off…
Key points I can diagnose:
Life admin getting in the way - Far too much life admin recently and my cruise control has been on strike
People - I’ve found myself getting caught up in people and their lives and their shit and their awe and basically everything. I’ve needed a lot of loving recently, so I won’t kick myself too hard.
Closing mental doors, to allow space for new ones to open - This has been the most prevalent theme. As I once again dive head first into un-comfortability, I’ve had to spend hours upon days upon weeks in the circumference of my damn mind. Attempting to seperate fear from control and excitement from nerves and turning negative thoughts into drive and force… It’s a fucking complicated place up there and off the back of all the mental work I’ve just done, it’s critical I navigate all these emotions before I step into my next big moves - Aka, leaving Byron.
Overall, I’ve been mentally taxed. Hindering my creativity to mould my human condition into stories and theories that others can relate to. It’s all been one big pool of emotion and thought and action. I have no desire to speak too negatively on this pool, as I know it will all fall into place soon. Yet I can tell you for free that the last few weeks have been a yoyo between hiding in the corners of my mind and staying kilometres away from everyone, vs drinking excessive amounts of schooners whilst smoking excessive amounts of darts, basically turning myself into a damn choochoo train as I attempt to distract from the chaos that is my brain.
No balance, little equilibrium.
Soon I’ll be feet deep in the chaos of New York City, with pressure coming at me from every angle to write some of my best work to date. So I’d better get my shit together. I have one week… Send help.